Edie's Love Affair with Jesus

Roxie and the Egg

2009-01-14T14:29:00.001-06:00

So I’m sitting at my dining table this morning enjoying a tasty, low fat, low carb breakfast taco I made (yes, healthy can be yummy) and sipping on my low fat, low carb caramel macchiato. This is my usual fare, although I do stray occasionally and just have toast. Every once in a while when I’m feeling feisty I throw caution to the wind and make whole wheat blueberry pancakes.

Anyway, my trusty canine child, Roxie, is within arm’s length, longingly staring at me with her big beautiful brown eyes, just hoping that her silent but persistent appeal will move me to share a bit of my morning feast. “Just a bite, mommy?” I could swear I actually hear the words come from her mouth.

Though I always, always start off thinking no, this time I am going to stay strong – I inevitably give in. (Before you judge me, YOU spend five seconds with this cute little dog and I promise that you would crater, too.) So I give her just a tiny taste and send her on her way. But she is back in 10 seconds for more. I don’t always give in to her repeat requests, but occasionally if I’m feeling generous I will give her another sliver. I can’t help it, she’s so persistent and so adorable!

The whole process makes me think about how God sees me as I come before Him with sad, yearning eyes. As I persist to ask Him for just the tiniest piece of hope in my dark circumstances, I believe He is moved by His love and adoration for me and sometimes gives in because He just can’t help Himself. He so desires to see me light up and wag my tail with joy as He gives me good and beautiful gifts. “Just a bite, Father?” I could swear those are the words coming from my lips. And I swear I can hear Him replying back, “She’s so persistent. She’s so adorable!”

So I’ll keep staring and I’ll keep asking. Thanks, Roxie, for the reminder.

Timing

2008-12-22T22:40:00.000-06:00

I like to think I can bust a move at times, but I don’t get the chance to get out and cut the rug as much as I’d like. Being from Texas, I think I learned to two-step before I could walk. Lately I’ve added some swing and salsa to my repertoire. Gotta love that Latin beat! (“Come on baby, do that conga…”)

There is something uniquely heavenly to me when my partner and I find our rhythm and begin to move almost effortlessly across the floor. One key to achieving this graceful flow is for me as the follower to learn to anticipate the leader’s timing. If he moves his hand ever slow slightly, or presses in a bit, I know we’re about to twirl or turn. So I relax my body but keep my grip so he can make his move and move me as well. The feeling is incredible. I could twirl and turn on the floor all night. But if I try to take the lead and move before he gives the signal, or tighten up too much once he does, our footwork gets off and our floating on air turns to crash and burn.

My relationship with God is the same. I’m learning to anticipate His signals. I’m learning to sense when He is about to turn or twirl me as He presses in through His word, circumstances, prayer or other people. That’s when I know to position myself for His movement.

Today, I stumbled over God a little. Not so much because I moved before He did, but I think I tightened up. Okay, well maybe I DID move a little too soon as well.

The music is still playing, so I’m back on the dance floor to pick up where we left off. God is such a patient and forgiving dance instructor. I may not ever make it on Dancing with the Stars, but my Partner and I dance among the stars in the sky. That’s much cooler than a TV show.

What If

2008-11-24T22:02:00.000-06:00

How would my life be different if I truly believed God’s promises in Christ?
Believed He loves me unconditionally.
Believed He sees me without blemish or sin.
Believed nothing can separate me from His love.
Believed He has a plan to give me hope and a future.
Believed He knows the number of hairs on my head.
Believed He holds every tear I cry.
Believes He hears me when I call.
Believed He knew me and formed me in my mother’s womb.
Believed He has called me out and set me apart for His good purposes.
Believed His glory is bound up in my life.

I would worry less. I would trust more. I would talk less. I would pray more. I would purchase less. I would give more. I would envy less. I would love more. I would contemplate less. I would act more. I would hide less. I would dream more. I would care less. I would care more. I would want less. I would want more.

I want the “what if” to be what is.

Sorry for the next guy

2008-11-11T17:04:00.000-06:00

As of late, my beautiful savior Jesus has captivated me even more than ever by His perfect, unswerving, unconditional love. I didn't think it was possible.

For some reason it has taken me 18 plus years of walking with Him to truly believe that NOTHING can separate me from His love. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. I am totally and utterly secure in that now. It is a love like I have never known.

So what does that mean for the next man who comes into my life? How can he possibly compare or compete? Well, he can't I guess. But here's some hope for the poor soul in a quote I've often heard (don't know the author): "A woman should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him to find her." It's that simple. Not easy, but simple.

Still, you have to feel a little sorry for the next guy...

Wait for it

2008-07-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

Express checkout lines. HOV lanes. Microwaves. High speed internet. Speed dating. Interstate expressways. We not only want what we want, we want it NOW.

Waiting is a lost art. Waiting requires stillness, listening, trusting, patience. Ah, patience. There’s a lesser known virtue of today. I’ve often wondered the reasons for my personal lack of this character trait. I believe the deficiency is a part of my human nature, while some is acquired as I allow modern day conveniences to speed up the delivery of my desires. Why is it so vital that I pick the fastest line at the bank or the grocery store? So what if I go a few blocks or miles out of the way because I missed my turn? What is the big deal? (Other than the cost of gasoline...)

The interesting thing about waiting is that there are often really amazing people and places to observe or experience in the lag time. Lately I’ve been trying to not just accept but cherish little delays and turn my attention to what treasures God might have for me in that moment. Sometimes I come across a restaurant or a shop or some other scenery I never knew was there. Sometimes it is as simple as God whispering to me how much He loves me or to pray for a friend or offer a smile or kind word to someone. Sometimes it’s a welcomed chance to take a few breaths in the middle of a hectic day.

As I continue to seek God in clarifying His direction in my life, I sense I’m on the cusp of something exciting. I have a foggy vision of where He and I are heading, but it’s still not completely clear. I so much want to jump ahead and make it happen, but I feel He has asked me to hold on a little longer as He goes ahead of me to prepare the calling and ready my heart. In the waiting I have felt so close to Him, so loved by Him, so taken care of by Him.

I would have missed a lot of great scenery if I would have chosen the expressway.

The Plea

2008-05-22T22:43:00.001-05:00

Go. Do. Be. I plea
for something more
than this charade.
No more measures.
No more scales.
Please, no more ratings.
No grades, just God.
His love and acceptance.
Loving self. Loving others. Loving life.
As it should be.

You've Got Answers, I've Got Questions

2008-04-22T22:24:00.000-05:00

Do you have any pet peeves? How about when they open a new grocery checkout lane and ask the last person in your line to move over? Or when you finally have your iced tea perfectly flavored with the right balance of Sweet'n'Low and lemon, and then the waiter sneaks in and refills your glass when you're not looking. I swear it must be a stealth operation among waitstaff of the world.

But I think my absolutely biggest gripe is cleanly outlined three-point Sunday sermons with all the answers. Can every spiritual issue really be boiled down to three simple steps, methods, or principles?

I've played the Sunday School teacher's pet in the past - the annoyingly fervent one who agreeingly nods on each point, takes diligent notes and immediately puts the the principles into practice. Give me a formula for this thing called Christianity, and I'm all over it.

The interesting thing is, the longer I walk with Christ, the more questions I have. But if you are growing in Christ, you're not supposed to have more questions, are you? As the years go by, aren't you supposed to have more knowledge and wisdom to share?

Lately I've been taking a truckload of questions to God. Some very painful, heart wrenching ones, I might add. And here's the beautiful and strange thing about it.

I'm not getting answers. But the One I'm asking is absolutely giddy that I asked. More than anything, He wants me to want him. He's that crazy about me.

I think I may have found the only answer I really need.

Be still, my heart

2008-04-21T22:07:00.000-05:00

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10), is a familiar verse to some. I've always interpreted it to mean that I need to keep my sticky little fingers out of God's business and let Him do His thing. True, I'm sure in many cases. And then the other day, I saw something new in this verse...

I believe there is a part of God that we can only come to know in our stillness and solitude. Yes, we can draw near to Him in other ways - work, service, families, friends, trials, triumphs. But I think there is a part of His heart that He can only offer to a soul that is fully silent and attentive.

Try something. Get alone in your home and turn off everything and anything you can that makes noise. Sit in utter silence for just 5 minutes. What do you hear that you don't usually hear or that you've never heard before? The AC or icemaker running. The wind blowing or birds singing. The beating of your heart. Your own breath.

Just think of how much truth and guidance from God we miss, too, in the busyness of our days. The fast-paced 21st century life makes true solitude and silence hard to come by.

I recently felt the call to still my heart so strongly that I quit my decent paying full-time job for the freelance writing life, mostly so I could slow down, rest and listen to God about the next chapter in my life. I'm a pretty conservative gal, not much into taking big risks, but I know God is calling me into an even deeper relationship with Him that will only come through the quieting of my soul.

So far, He's been unlocking some deeply held misguided beliefs about Him and myself. I am powerless to change these beliefs apart from Him. Only time in His presence revealed these things, and only the same will heal me.

I've often prayed that I would more fully comprehend the depth of His love for me. And I thought He would do this through circumstances, answered prayer, other people - and indeed He sometimes does.

But the depths of His love have been mostly revealed to me lately in stillness, in times when I'm quiet enough to hear His voice of truth above all the world's noise and lies. His tender voice reminds me that I am a dear treasure to Him, I am perfectly and completely loved by Him, and I am complete and acceptable to Him because of what Christ did for me.

Knowing that makes it hard to be still.

Jealous

2008-04-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been jealous? I hate the unsettling feeling it brings. It happens when someone else has something that you want and think you deserve as much if not more.

Only once (that I can remember) was I insanely jealous over a boyfriend. He was quite a flirt and needed the attention of other ladies, and I didn't like it one bit. Though he may have been out of line with his actions, I still hated the uncontrollable, sick feeling I had at the time.

I've read that God is jealous for us, but I wonder if His jealousy is different from ours. Or maybe it's not. Maybe it makes His heart and stomach hurt, too, when we give the attention He deserves to other people and things, just like I felt with that ex-boyfriend. God's heart, hurting over me and my wandering affections? The almighty Creator of the universe, head over heals and jealously in love with me???

Lover of my soul, forgive me for hurting your heart with my divided loyalties. May I be true to You, my first love.

A Stubborn Weed

2008-03-21T23:16:00.000-05:00

Today God has been working on one of the stubborn weeds in my heart. He's pulling and I'm resisting with all my might.

There's this weed in my backyard that has a little yellow flower on top. But make no mistake, it is a weed nonetheless. And this weed in my life that God is working to pull up is similar - seems harmless enough, but it is what it is. The weed is keeping me from having God's best. Some colorful Gerby daisies, or perhaps a spray of roses, would be a lot prettier than this poor excuse for a flower.

So I'll let the Gardener do His work so He can plant something more beautiful in my heart. Lord, please keep pulling until it's out, root and all.

Pulling Weeds

2008-03-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

Now that I'm a proud homeowner, I have the wonderful task of maintaining a yard. I moved in last fall to a new house, so with fresh sod and little landscaping, I really haven't had to do much yet. But it's late March and the weather is beautiful, so I guess it's time to get after it.

We've had a lot of rain lately, and the grass is getting green again. But unfortunately all the water has produced some wicked weeds. Some were 2 feet tall! Where did those nasty little plants come from? Two huge weeds in the front strongly resisted removal. They really put up a fight, but I knew I had to get them up by the root or they would just grow back taller and stronger. After some strenuous tugging, I finally got those ugly things out of the ground. I pulled so hard my back and arms were still sore several days later. Oh, the joys of middle age!

As I spent time with God later that day, He asked me, "Edie, my sweetie, what are the big weeds in your life? Let's figure this out together because I want to pull those out by the roots so the soil of your heart can grow some of the most beautiful flowers you've ever seen."

I guess the Master Gardener is getting after His spring yard work, too.